Traversing the Highs and Lows of Muslim Marriage

Are you engaged to be married with preconceived notions about this blessed union? Or are you a newly-wed couple for whom the practical reality of marriage is gradually unfolding? Or is your marriage of many years on the rocks due to myriad factors that affect your relationship? Is the behavior of your in-laws or your spouse thwarting your efforts to maintain happiness in marriage? Is your privacy in this relationship being compromised?

Traversing the Highs and Lows of Muslim Marriage provides a comprehensive guide to overcome all the tribulations that serve as the stumbling blocks on the road to a happy, loving, supportive and deeply satisfying marital relationship. It provides clear guidelines on how to build a strong and long-lasting marital bond by dealing constructively with any problems along the way. It highlights how Islam emphasizes the need for a harmonious, steadfast and highly loving relationship between a husband and wife and how Islam safeguards their privacy. Transcending the cultural bounds that hinder the smooth transition of couples into married life and abolishing stereotypes, the book offers up-to-date, wide-ranging marital advice based on an impressive amount of carefully compiled and well-presented information based on the Qur’an and the Sunnah. It will prove to be your key towards making marriage a joyful and wonderful experience all the way!

Her blog:

Islamic rulings on contraception

What is the Islamic verdict on contraception and birth control in general? Is it only permissible at times of need?


In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

First of all, it should be known that, one of the main aims of marriage in Islam is procreation. Islam encourages its followers to reproduce in large numbers in order to increase the size of the Ummah of our Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace).

Allah Most High says in the Qur’an:

“So now hold intercourse with your wives and seek (the children) what Allah has ordained for you.” ( Surah al-Baqarah, V: 187)

In a Hadith recorded by Imam Abu Dawud, Imam an-Nasa’i and others, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “Marry women who are loving and reproduce in abundance, for I shall outnumber the other nations by you.”

It is clear from the above, that Shariah encourages its followers to abstain from practicing birth control, especially, when it is given a formal, organized and general approach. Therefore, one should refrain from practicing contraception unless necessary.

As far as the Shar’i ruling is concerned, there are two categories of birth control and the ruling of each is different. The ruling of each category is as follows:

1) Permanent Irreversible Contraception

This type of contraception is carried out when the couple decide never to have a baby. It is done with a sterilization operation carried out either on the man (Vasectomy) or the woman (Tubectomy) and renders the couple incapable of ever having children.

The ruling with regards to this is that, it is unlawful (Haram) to carry out such operations. There are many Narrations of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) and clear texts of the Fuqaha (Jurists) which determine this.

The Companion, Sayyiduna Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (Allah be pleased with him) said:

“We use engage in Jihad in the company of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) and our wives did not accompany us. We said: O Prophet of Allah! Shall we not castrate ourselves? He forbade us from doing so.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)

The great Hanafi Jurist, Allama Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) says:

“Castration of humans is Haram.” (Radd al-Muhtar).

Imam al-Ayni (Allah have mercy on him) says:

“Castration (and sterilization, m) is prohibited with the consensus of all the scholars.” (Umdat al-Qari)

However, in cases of extreme necessity, Irreversible contraception will become permissible. For example, a woman’s life is in danger or repeated pregnancies gravely damage her health, etc. This however, should be advised by a Muslim qualified doctor.

2) Temporary Reversible Contraception

There are many methods by which reversible contraception can be performed. Coitus interruptus (Withdrawal method), the pill, using of the condom, i.u.d, spermicidal, just to mention a few.

The ruling on reversible contraception is that, it is somewhat disliked (makruh tanzihan) if practiced without any reason. If there is a genuine reason, then it will be totally permissible with the permission of the wife. Some of the reasons (for the permissibility of reversible contraception), which the Fuqaha mention, are:

a) Physical state of the woman,

b) Weakness and illness,

c) The couple are on a distant journey,

d) The couple’s relations are unstable and divorce is likely,

e) Spacing out children in order to give them adequate care and attention,

If contraception is practiced due to a reason contrary to the teachings of Shariah, then it will not be permissible. Some of these reasons are:

a) Fear of poverty and not being able to provide,

b) For the fashion of keeping small families and imitating the Kuffar,

c) Being ashamed of having a girl,

There are many narrations from the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) which signify the permissibility of reversible contraception, but at the same time indicate it to be undesirable.

Sayyiduna Jabir (Allah be pleased with him) says: “We used to practice Coitus interruptus (Withdrawal method) while the Qur’an was being revealed. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) knew of this and did not prohibit us.” (Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim )

This has more or less been mentioned by the scholars in their books. (See Imam Nawawi in his commentary of Sahih Muslim, Mulla Ali al-Qari in al-Mirqat, Ibn Abidin in his Radd al-Muhtar and others.

For more details, please refer to my book on this subject titled Birth Control and Abortion (Revised Edition), available from the Darul Iftaa, Leicester, UK.

And Allah Knows Best

[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK

Is contraception permissible? Is it disliked? What is the better way?


In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most MercifulIn the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate

May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon His Messenger Muhammad, his folk, companions, and followers

Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

Contraception is permitted. However, it is superior not to engage in contraception without genuine reason or benefit, because the Qur’an and Sunna have encouraged having children, and there is great benefit to the individual and society in raising righteous children.

Allama Jad al-Haqq (Allah have mercy on him), the pious late 20th Century Shaykh al-Azhar, wrote in a fatwa dated 1399 AH (1979 CE), that:

1. Contraception is permitted if the husband and wife agree, as there is nothing in the Qur’an or Sunna to prohibit it; rather, the hadiths and practice of the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) indicate permissibility, and this is confirmed by the words of the jurists across the schools of Islamic law.

2. It is not permitted to engage in contraception without the agreement of the spouse–for both husband and wife.

2. Contemporary forms of contraception, whether used by the husband or the wife, are akin to the `azl (ejaculating outside the vagina) mentioned in the hadiths, as is explicitly understood from the words of the jurists of the Hanafi and other schools. Rather, they are superior, more natural, and less harmful.

3. It is not permitted to use irreversible contraception–such as sterilization.

4. It is not permitted for there to be state-imposed forcible population planning. [Summarized from Jad al-Haqq’s fatwa, from Mawsu`at Fatawa Dar al-Ifta’ al-Masriyya]

Other contemporary fuqaha state likewise.

While some texts indicate that it is somewhat disliked (makruh tanzihan) to do so, this is not what most of the major jurists of the Hanafi school state. Even jurists who stated that it is disliked mentioned that if there is a sound reason or benefit to engage in contraception then it is not disliked. In our times, this would include reasons such as having a manageable family size, when one does not have the support of extended families in raising the children; the desire to give the children the attention, education, and support they need in difficult times; genuine (physical or emotional) health reasons, and so on.

However, we understand at the same time that one of the purposes (maqasid) and wisdoms of marriage is to have children, as mentioned by Imam Ghazali in his Ihya’ Ulum al-Din.

The Qur’an and Sunna of the Beloved Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) have encouraged having children. There is great benefit to the individual and society in having children. Not only does having righteous children maintain healthy communities and societies, but it also teaches humanity: few things are more effective in teaching good character, mercy, compassion, and true love as having children does.

This is why the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Marry and multiply.” [Abu Dawud and Nasa’i]

Regarding the Permissibility of Contraception

Sayyiduna Jabir ibn Abd Allah (Allah be pleased with him), the notable Companion of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) relates that,

“We used to engage in contraception (`azl) while the Qur’an was being revealed. Had it been something that was interdicted, the Qur’an would have forbidden it.” [Bukhari (5209); Muslim (4220)]

Kasani (Allah have mercy on him) states in Bada’i` al-Sana’i` (2.334-335),

“It is disliked to engage in contraception (`azl, preventative ejaculation) with one’s wife without her permission. This is because intercourse with ejaculation is the means to having a child, and having a child is her right. By resorting to contraception [without her permission], having a child is prevented, which is akin to being a reason for not fulfilling her right.

However, if the contraception was with the wife’s agreement (rida), then it is not disliked. In such a case, she will have willingly forgone her right.”

This is also mentioned by Marghinani in al-Hidaya, and Nasafi in Kanz al-Daqa’iq. Zayla`i confirms this in his commentary on Kanz al-Daqa’iq. [Tabyin al-Haqa’iq Sharh Kanz al-Daqa’iq, 6.21]

Ibn Taymiyya (Allah have mercy on him) and others relate that the permissibility of contraception with the wife’s permission is agreed upon by the four schools of Sunni Islam. [al-Fatawa al-Kubra, 2.101]

Ibn Nujaym (Allah have mercy on him) says in al-Bahr al-Ra’iq Sharh Kanz al-Daqa’iq,

“The permissibility of contraception (`azl) is the position of the generality of scholars, because of the [abovementioned] hadith in Bukhari…” [3.214]

Is Contraception Disliked, Though?

Ibn Nujaym then quotes Ibn al-Humam (Allah have mercy on him), who mentioned in his magnificent commentary on al-Hidaya, Fath al-Qadir, that some scholars of the Hanafi school considered contraception to be permitted yet disliked, while others did not consider it disliked. [ibid.]

Mulla Khusro, the great Ottoman master jurist, said in al-Durar, that it is permitted to engage in contraception. He does not state that it is disliked. [1.315] Shurunbulali (Allah have mercy on him) does likewise in his marginal commentary, al-Shurunbulaliyya. In fact, he relates that some scholars permitted it even without permission because of the bad times.

The Fatawa Hindiyya, compiled by some of the greatest jurists of Moghul India under commission from the righteous Sultan Aurangzeb, explicitly negates that it is disliked by stating,

“Contraception is not disliked with the wife’s permission… “ [1.315]

This is also what Haskafi relates in al-Durr al-Mukhtar, and is confirmed by the words of Ibn Abidin in his marginal commentary (hashiya), Radd al-Muhtar.

And Allah alone gives success.

Faraz Rabbani

قال سلطان العلماء الكاساني في بدائع الصنائع: (2/334-335) ويكره للزوج أن يعزل عن امرأته الحرة بغير رضاها ; لأن الوطء عن إنزال سبب لحصول الولد , ولها في الولد حق , وبالعزل يفوت الولد , فكأنه سببا لفوات حقها , وإن كان العزل برضاها لا يكره ; لأنها رضيت بفوات حقها في الفتاوى الهندية: العزل ليس بمكروه برضا امرأته الحرة أو برضا مولى امرأته الأمة وفي الأمة المملوكة بغير رضاها . قالوا وكذلك المرأة يسعها أن تعالج لإسقاط الحبل ما لم يستبن شيء من خلقه
*Warning: The above fatwas were regarding issues pertaining to fiqi rulings. I would refrain from seeking their fatwas on matters of aqeedah. Allahu alim.
For a list of fatwas on the matter from IslamQA:

Married Life Golden Advice- Shaykh Hasan Ali

All in all it’s a good lecture mashAllah. Just have some reservations with the quote of Ali (RA):

النكاح لزوم مهر ثم سرور شهر ثم غموم دهر ثم كسور ظهر ثم نزول قبر

If anyone has a reference for the quote please do share. Jazak Allahu khairan.

جراحات السنان لها إلتئامو لا يلتئم ما جرح اللسان

Wounds caused by spears may heal… But those caused by tongues will not.

The five keys to get her and her parents to say yes to you

بسم الله
 Assalamu alaikum ,

Here are the five keys to get her and her parents to say yes to you: 1.Money 2.Your goals 3.Your personality 4.Your credibility 5.Your independence Now let’s repeat that again: 1.Money 2.Your goals 3.Your personality 4.Your credibility 5.Your independence

1. Money

Money includes everything from a steady income, spending habits, understanding of wealth, understanding of rizq and tawakkul in Allah SWT and being ready to accept an extra hand to get started. This is a huge area of concern for us as the growing trend amongst brothers these days is that they are broke! Or if they have a decent job or income they don’t know how to manage it properly and their pockets are like blackholes. So anything they make is spent and there is no clue or idea on what it was spent on. Inshallah we will have a workshop or some articles on money in the coming weeks. But until then spend some time and learn how to manage money or if you don’t have a job or steady income, you need to get one.  

2. Goals Your goals would include: your financial goals, educational goals and religious and spiritual goals. This is basically how we mentioned in getting your life priorities straight and focused. Potential sisters and her parents want to know what do you plan for the future for your family. So your financial goals. Do you have or know how to save, do you have debts and if so how do plan to get out of it, career wise are in a dead end job or in something that will not only move up in the financial scale but also in terms of importance. Education. How far are you gonna be going with your education and how much would that affect the quality of your family life? And religious goals. They want to know. How much are you prepared and ready in order to bring a healthy family and healthy children, in terms of their religion, ikhlaq, and character

3. Personality Your personality. That includes: your physical ability. If your physically prepared for that? Do you work out or not? Your intellectual preparation. If you read or not? What kind of reading do you do? Are you that type of person who likes to read and grow up in knowledge? And so on. Can you carry a decent intellectual conversation? Do you have a sense of humour or are you always a serious minded person. There are times to be serious and their are times to chill and laugh and enjoy good company. There is also emotional preparation. Are you ready to handle the stress from marital life? Dealing with a person who is completely different than you for the first time? Are you willing to compromise some of your emotions, for the emotions of your spouse? And lastly, your spiritual preparation. In order to get into this relationship, you also need to prepare yourself spiritually. How much you would like to have the help of your spouse in order to grow in your religion and spiritually? And how much are you willing to help your spouse to grow up in spirituality and religion.

4. Credibility Your credibility. And that includes your social and communal credibility. Which means if people will ask your relatives and ask your family about you. When they receive a positive answer it makes them feel confident that you can really handle the affairs of a family and a wife. Your credibility among your peers. I remember a teacher telling me this saying “Tell me who your friends are and I can tell you who you are.” Which means show me five of your best friends and I can tell who you are. So if now people would ask your friends about you. Do you expect them to say yes to you, or no? This also includes your religious credibility. How much are you involved in the Muslim community? How often do you go to the Masjid? Does the Imam know you? I remember when my wifes family without my knowledge came to my city to inquire about me right after I proposed. Obviously I didn’t know they were doing this but they came to the Imam of my masjid and asked about me and he told them that if he had another daughter he would marry her to me. I’m not saying this to brag or boast but i am mentioning it because it left a huge impact on my to be father in law. The people at the masjid, do they know you or not? can they attest for you. Parents would like to feel confident and comfortable that the person who is proposing to their daughter is not only religious enough to know his religious duties towards his wife and towards his family but the people in the masjid and his community can vouch and verify that he has good credibilty.

5. Independence Your Independence. You need to show them that you are in need of getting married but not necessarily that you are desperate to get married. You need to show that your life goes on with or without marriage and that your goals and life focus will not be hindered in anyway. For some reason our nature is we love to have what we cannot get. So if a family says no to you, you need to show some sort of independence and confidence, that doesn’t mean that you have to just walk out and that’s it, its over. You can still get back again, but not showing any kind of unconfident or desperate position. The independence that you need to show is that you really depend on Allah Subhana-wa-Tallah on all things and all affairs. Specifically they ask the subject of rizq, after taking all the means and the measures to secure that rizq.

Wasalamu alaikum Atiq Nakrawala & Yaser Birjas

The job of the father and husband

This is an obligation which the head of the household must undertake, in obedience to the command of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones…” [al-Tahreem 66:6]. This aayah is the basic principle regarding the teaching and upbringing of one’s family, and enjoining them to do what is good and forbidding them to do what is evil. There follow some of the comments of the mufassireen on this aayah, in so far as it pertains to the duties of the head of the household.

Qutaadah said: “He should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Him, and direct them in accordance with the commands of Allaah, and help them to do that.”

Dahhaak and Muqaatil said: “It is the Muslim’s duty to teach his family, including relatives and female slaves, what Allaah has enjoined upon them and what He has forbidden.”

‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Teach them and discipline them.”

Al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “We must teach our children and wives the religion and goodness, and whatever they need of good manners. If the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to urge the teaching of female servants, who were slaves, what do you think about your children and wives, who are free?”

Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his Saheeh: “Chapter: a man’s teaching his female slaves and wife.” Then he quoted the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “There are three who will have two rewards: … a man who has a female slave whom he teaches good manners and teaches her well, and teaches her knowledge, and teaches her well, then he frees her and marries her: he will have two rewards.”

Taken from: The Muslim Home – 40 recommendations