How to make your Husband happy ?

The following article is a summary of the book “How to Make Your Husband Happy” by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

1. Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,

• Begin with a good greeting.
• Meet him with a cheerful face
• Beautify and perfume yourself
• Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested
• Receive him with loving and yearning sentences
• Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

2. Beautify and Soften the Voice

For your husband only, it shouldn’t be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)

3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

• Take good care of your body and fitness.
• Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
• Bathe regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells.
• Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape
• Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoos
• Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes
• Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

4. Intercourse

• Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
• Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
• Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
• Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
• Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.

5. Satisfaction With What Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) Has Allotted

• You shouldn’t be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job
• You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) for all that was given to you.
• You should remember that real wealth lies in faith and piety.

6. Indifference to Worldly Things

• You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
• You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
• Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the Hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Al-Jannah).
• Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

7. Appreciation

• By the saying of the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam), the majority of people in Hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
• The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways
• The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be disappointed and will start asking himself: “Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?”

8. Devotion and Loyalty

• In particular in times of calamities in your husband’s body or business e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
• Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

9. Compliance to Him

• In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram)
• In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.

10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry

First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger. But if it happens that you can’t, then try to appease him as follows:

• If you were mistaken, then apologize
• If he was mistaken then:
  Keep still instead of arguing or
  Yield you right or
  Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.
• If he was angry because of external reasons then:
  Keep silent until his anger goes
  Find excuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, someone insulted him
• Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened e.g.
  1) You should tell me what happened!
  2) I must know what made you so angry!
  3) You are hiding something, and I have the right to know!

11. Guardianship While He is Absent

• Protect yourself from any prohibited relations
• Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don’t like other people to know.
• Take care of the house and children.
• Take care of his money and properties
• Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijaab
• Refuse people whom he does not like to come over
• Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place
• Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence

12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

• You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.
• You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
• You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife
• Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
• Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home
• Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc…

13. Admirable Jealousy

• Jealousy is a sign for wife’s love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulting or backbiting others disrespecting them, etc…
• You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

14. Patience and Emotional Support

• Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
• When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, his and your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
• When facing hardships in Da’wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested etc.
• Be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of Paradise.
• When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.

15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da’wah and Jihad

• Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.
• Encourage him to pray at night.
• Listen and reciting the Qur’aan individually and with your husband.
• Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
• Remember Allah subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa, much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
• Share in arranging Da’wah activities for women and children.
• Learn Islamic rules (ahkaam) and good manners (‘adab) for women.
• Support your husband’s activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
• Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da’wah
• Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah, subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa.

16. Good Housekeeping

• Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged
• Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom
• Perfect food (preparation) and prepare healthy foods
• Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing
• Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

17. Preservation of Finances and the Family

• Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
• Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
• Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.

 

Finally, please make Du’a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed for the translator brother Abu Talhah, and for the reviewer, brother Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors. Muslim Students’ Association University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999

Taken from : Al-Haramain.org Newsletter

The rights of the husband and the wife

The rights of the husband and the wife
…………………………………………..  ……….
Islam has enjoined upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa, and among these duties are some which are shared by both husband and wife.

We will mention – by the help of Allaah – some of the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah which have to do with the duties of the spouses towards one another, quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars.

Firstly:

The rights of the wife which are hers alone:

The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.

And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.

1.Financial rights

(a) The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]

The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.

The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)”

[al-Baqarah 2:236]

The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahr indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract.

If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give the mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife.

(b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.

The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return for her making herself available to him for his pleasure.

What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis”
[al-Baqarah 2:233]

“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7]

From the Sunnah:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – who had complained that he did not spend on her: “Take what is sufficient for you and your children, on a reasonable basis.”

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)

It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

(c)Accommodation. This is also one of the wife’s rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his means and ability.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6]
…………………………………………..  …….
2. Non-financial rights

(i) Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife has over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally, if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending and clothing.

(ii) Kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”
[al-Baqarah 2:228]

From the Sunnah:

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468).

There follow examples of the kind treatment of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) towards his wives – for he is the best example:

1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)  said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.”

She said: And she told me that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janaabah from one vessel.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)

2.  It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have fun.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)

3.  It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray sitting down; he would recite Qur’aan when he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or forty aayahs left, he would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did rukoo’, then sujood; then he would do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068) 

(c)Not harming one’s wife. 

This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one’s wife.

It was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled, “There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah,, 2340)

This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah and others. See Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.

Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner.

It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

…………………………………….
Secondly:

The husband’s rights over his wife.

The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them
[al-Baqarah 2:228]

al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over him.

Ibn al-‘Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage.

These rights include:

(a) The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.
(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)

(b) Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives her some time – two or three days, if she asks for that – to sort herself out, because that is something that she needs, and because that is not too long and is customary.

If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shar’i excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)

(c) Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone whom he dislikes to enter his house.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present without his permission, or to admit anyone into his house without his permission. And whatever she spends (in charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)

It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa’) with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] praised and glorified Allaah, then he preached a sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they are prisoners and you have no other power over them than that, if they are guilty of open lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them, but not severely. But if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that you should feed and clothe them well.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 – he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851) 

It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet] (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

(d) Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission. One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not go out of the house except with his permission.

The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis said: she does not have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from doing that… because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory.

(e) Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something sinful, because Allaah has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in bed and by hitting them, when they do not obey.

The Hanafis mentioned four situations in which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her. These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to; not responding when he calls her to bed and she is taahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating); not praying; and going out of the house without his permission.

The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one’s wife includes the aayahs (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)”
[al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones”
[al-Tahreem 66:6]

Ibn Katheer said:

Qutaadah said: you should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Allaah; you should be in charge of them in accordance with the command of Allaah, and instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah, and help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience towards Allaah, then stop them from doing it and rebuke them for that.

This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family, including his relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah has enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/392) 

(f) The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence (daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:

She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances: the way in which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak woman.
(al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)

(g) Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is obliged to submit herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because once the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the compensation which is the mahr.

(h) The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”
[al-Baqarah 2:228]

Al-Qurtubi said:

It was also narrated from him – i.e., Ibn ‘Abbaas – that this means: they have the right to good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from their husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of their husbands.

And it was said that they have the right that their husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari.

Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning them just as they should fear Allaah concerning you.

The meanings are similar, and the aayah includes all of that in the rights and duties of marriage.
(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124) 

And Allaah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

The believers who show the most perfect faith are those…

رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم أكمل المؤمنين إيمانا أحسنهم خلقا وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم رواه الترمذي

“The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best character and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.”

Tirmidhi

Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations Muhammad Ibn Adam Al-kawthari

View this document on Scribd

An Eye Opener For Muslim Couples by Sh. Omar Suleiman

A lovely reminder from marriage life of Prophet Muhammad pbuh & Khadijah (ra) for all the married/wannabe married brothers and sisters

Full lecture here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY1OznBhGP4

Yahya Ibrahim | The Sunnah of Love

‘Ali raḍyAllāhu ‘anhu came home one day from a journey that he had been dispatched on by the Prophet Muhammed ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to find his wife, Fatima, the daughter of the Prophet, radiya Allahu ‘anha brushing her teeth with a siwak – twig of an Arak (Salvadora persica) tree used for brushing teeth.  Spontaneously, he, raḍyAllāhu ‘anhu, spouted out poetic endearment:

هنئت يا عود الأراك بثغرها … أما خشيت يا أراكُ أراك

لو كان غيرك يا سواك قتلته … ما فاز منى يا سواكُ سواك

Fortunate are you O twig of the Arak tree,

Have you no fear of me observing you in this embrace

If it were other than you…O Siwak! I would have killed you!

None found this fortune of embrace before me, but you.

I get emailed & facebooked often from couples trying to salvage and mend broken trust and exponentially inhospitable relationships. I usually respond within a couple of weeks, detailing my unwillingness to “counsel” from a virtual distance that begets unilateralism. Horror stories of infidelity, violence, and arrogance abound.  Naturally, there is no greater issue facing the Muslim communities of the West that is more pressing and multidimensional than that of family relations.

The statistics are frightening, imams are untrained in effective counseling methods, mosques are under pressure, Islamically-oriented marital counselors are unheard of and professionalism in terms of confidentiality seem non-existent.

An important dimension of domestic marital problems, as I see, is that the Sunnah of Love and Gallantry seems to be overlooked or dismissed as a long-gone era. The Sunnah, that is taught at times, seems to overlook amazing instances of passion, valor, fidelity and sacrifice in the name of true love. Instances from the life of the Prophet sala Allahu ‘alihi wasSalaam and his companions builds a comprehensive system of devotion – a Sunnah of Love.

Love. The real kind – the genuine love between a man and his wife that stems from a seed of love that is planted by Allah in the hearts of those who are true in submission to the Dispenser of Love and Comfort.

A seed, literally and figuratively, in Arabic symbolizes love.

Houb in Arabic is derived from the same root for the word Haab – seed. The nature of the two words is functionally similar.

Love begins as a tiny speck – a seed that is buried deep in the folds of a receptive heart, carrying the potential of stunning beauty, nourishing sustenance, exotic delicacy, wealth of commodity, shading shelter, and resurgent growth that is stabilized through deep roots that withstand trauma.

Amr ibn al-‘As raḍyAllāhu ‘anhu was appointed by the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam to command an important mission. He was handpicked from many capable individuals who were in fact better than him.  Feeling a sense of pride in being selected, he raḍyAllāhu ‘anhu asks the Prophet, in front of a congregation of Sahabah about who he ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam, loves? The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam responds in the way that all of our wives would hope we would respond, by naming his wife, Aisha.

Consider that the Prophet would teach, ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam, that if we love a friend, we need to let them know it. It was with this hope that ‘Amr thought to ask that question after the favorable appointment was given to him.

Thinking that his question has been misunderstood he clarifies, saying that he meant from amongst the companions who did the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam love? The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam responds, “Her Father.”

He does not respond, “Abu Bakr raḍyAllāhu ‘anhu.” His response alludes to ‘AisharaḍyAllāhu ‘anha as she was still on his mind and in his heart. 

Love.

‘Aisha raḍyAllāhu ‘anha, al-Humayra – The Rosy Cheeked one, as the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam affectionately called her; Umm al-Mu’mineen – the Mother of the Faithful was loved and loved in return.

The Sunnah of Love is not whimsical or outrageously simplistic as you find depicted often in multibillion-dollar literary/theatrical sagas. No vampires competing with werewolves here.  It is not ambivalent and shifty. It is built on mutual acceptance of the decree of the Divine in search of comfort, repose and peace of mind.  It flourishes, paradoxically, in the mundanity of life. Finding fleeting moments of intimacy between stacks of dishes, soiled diapers, mounds of work emails, grocery lists and infinite commitments are its hallmark. A look that you receive as you rush out the door, a quick phone call itemizing how the day is going or an SMS that contains a list of groceries to buy on the way home punctuated with an I love You, are all indicators.

‘Aisha raḍyAllāhu ‘anha and the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam would use code language with each other denoting their love. She asked the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam how he would describe his love for her. The Prophet Muhammad answered, saying: “Like a strong binding knot.” The more you tug, the stronger it gets, in other words.

Every so often ‘Aisha would playfully ask, “How is the knot?” The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam would answer, “As strong as the first day (you asked).”

So I begin to wonder, as should you, about what has happened to our community?

Why is it so hard to speak frankly of one’s love for his wife? Why is it “soft” for a brother to praise his spouse?

How is it the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam can kiss his wife, as he exits to leave his home to lead the faithful in prayer and some in our community find it difficult to just smile?

How is it that the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam can stop a whole army, in times of hostility in a region of the desert that had no water to camp near, to look for his wife’s misplaced bead necklace and some find it difficult to give a deserved compliment every now and again?

Since when is sternness considered leadership and harshness associated with married life?

How is it that the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam can mend his clothes and look after the domestic affairs of his household, and a brother can’t put away a plate, let alone wash it unless the wife is sick?

How is it that the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam can forbid upon himself milk infused with honey so as to please his wives, who complained of its scent, culminating in Allah revealing a chapter in the Qur’an forbidding the Prophet from forbidding the lawful upon himself, “Because you seek to please your wives (66:1).”  Yet, some in our community will not even give the rightfully due to their wife?

How is it that the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam teaches not to boycott a person for more than three days, and a brother can be out all day at work and feel apprehensive at the thought of returning home to a disgruntled partner who will give them the silent treatment over a petty squabble that has extended into weeks of dreary, isolating depression?

How is it that the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam forbids a person to lead another man in prayer in his home without permission, yet some brothers due to constant bickering and negative criticism feel more like the help than the king of the castle?

Misreading the Sunnah, and not linking it to all matters of our life, including the mundane aspects is a justified criticism.

All of us learn through the course of our elementary studies of Islam that if you have no water, or if it is scarce, that you can perform Tayamum – ritual purification for prayer using sand or dust.

What you probably were not taught, and what was glossed over, was the fact that the permissibility and the legislation of that enormously important function were revealed because of the lost bead necklace.

You were not told that the love of the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam for ‘Aisha resulted in him ordering a marching army to stop at a location without water and camp out at night with a dwindling supply of water for their consumption. Her father, Abu Bakr raḍyAllāhu ‘anhu, was furious with her for mentioning what, to him, seemed to be a trivial matter.

You were not told how the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallamordered the troops to look for a necklace in the sands of the Arabian Desert, all for the comfort of ‘Aisha.  You were, probably, not informed how verses in the Qur’an descended upon the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam at such an occasion resulting in the joyous celebration of the Sahabah for the ease that Allah has provided for our Ummah as a result of this occurrence.

That is the Sunnah of Love.  You look after the near, even if it may inconvenience the far.

You would have heard that the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam mended his own shoes at times. What you may not have heard was how once as he was sitting in a room with ‘Aisha raḍyAllāhu ‘anha fixing his shoes, ‘Aisha happened to look to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. Mesmerized by the majesty of that sight she remained transfixed staring at him long enough for him to notice.

The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam said, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you.” The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam asked, “What did he say?” She replied,

“Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see.”

So the Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said,

“Wallahi ya Aisha, you are like that to me and more.”

That is the Sunnah of Love.

From the earliest days of Islam, ‘Ali radiya Allahu ‘anhu was a continuous witness of the life habits of Rasool-ul-Allah ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam. He was a witness to Love.

‘Ali, raḍyAllāhu ‘anhu, arrived home to find the love of his life relaxing at home. No foreshadowing asserts anything special about the occasion or day. No fancy marketing to fleece customers of hard earned money. No gimmicks or convoluted infatuations promising a happily ever after proportional to carat size. It is just a man coming home after a long day at work.  What he finds there is the greatest attainment any man could dream to possess, and hopefully retain – a wife whose presence fills him with joy.

The Prophet Muhammad, ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “The world and all things in the world are precious but the most precious thing in the world is a virtuous woman.”

Virtuous, not, exclusively, in terms of the length of prostration or in devotion to religious obligations but rather as he, ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam, once informed ‘Umar:

“Shall I not inform you about the best treasure a man can hoard? It is a virtuous wife who fills him with joy whenever he looks towards her.”

It is not love at first sight, rather exponential love with every glance.

Ya Allah, put love between our spouse and us and allow us comfort and mercy in our home.

Ya Allah, spread love and peace throughout the Ummah of Muhammed ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam

O Allah grant us Your Divine Love

O Allah grant us the love of those who Love You

O Allah grant us the love of doing the things that earn Your Divine Love

Yahya Adel Ibrahim.

Romantic Ramadan

I have a distinct memory of my husband and I holding hands as we drive to Tarawih prayers. He is wearing a crisp white thobe and, as we drive along the freeway, a cool breeze drifts in through the windows. He recites Qur’an along the way, a soft recitation just audible above the humming sounds of cars and trucks outside. Such a moment is so simple, yet I can still remember the feeling in my hands, and it makes me smile every time.

Ramadan can be a beautiful month for you to connect with your spouse, to utilize the safe haven it provides away from Shaytan, with the increased remembrance of Allah, and the increased levels of worship taking place in your lives together. Unfortunately, this month becomes thirty days of frustration and resentment simmering beneath the surface because couples fail to create a focused goal they are both striving towards together.

In this article I am going to tackle some key areas of tension Muslim couples face in Ramadan and practical solutions to tackle them, insha’Allah.

 

Less Food, More Worship!

I find iftaar time really special with my husband. The kids and I set out the dates, start filling up cups with water, and we all wait together for Maghrib to arrive. I think it is an honor to hand my husband a date and glass of water for him to break his fast with, to rush to serve him, and share in the quiet space while we make du’a upon breaking our fast. The evening is quiet outside, the sky is beautiful, and we pray Maghrib together as a family. There is no rush, and as we all sit down at the table, after a busy day that took place while fasting, we reconnect and relax over a hot meal before preparing to leave for Tarawih prayers.

In many households, however, iftaar time is stressful and definitely not spiritual. One of the main reasons for this is hosting large and regular iftaar parties in the home. While it is wonderful to earn the reward of feeding those who are fasting, honestly,this trend of having to host and entertain to exhaustion has to stop. This practice affects mainly women because they are the ones expected to do all the cooking, cleaning, and prep work involved for hosting large iftaar parties. It robs a wife of time and energy better spent in greater acts of worship, and creates a strain between her and her husband. She often feels overwhelmed with the amount of work involved, with whiny children in the background who are getting ignored. There is no time to connect with her husband, her children, or feel loved and appreciated because both are busy running around for guests and, once meal time is over, her husband is out the door for Tarawih, leaving her to do the clean up. Do this once, maybe twice in the entire month of Ramadan, on a weekend when there is more time to help each other out, but not throughout the week or on a regular basis.

The goal of Ramadan is less food and more worship! You can entertain friends all year long – and cook for them whatever you would like – but this month is a time to recharge your “iman battery,” to have extra time to reflect on your character, and to cultivate new spiritual practices.

Too many social gatherings not only prevent you from this extra time, they also keep you away from your spouse. “But we live together, we have all year to spend time together,” you might be thinking. Let’s look at this the other way around: You have all year to spend time with friends, but only this one month to revisit what marriage means at its highest level, to strive the hardest in honoring and serving your spouse, this beautiful human being put into your life, the person that allowed you to complete half your deen. You both desperately need time to reconnect on what matters most, to realign yourselve as individuals, then as a couple, with the greatet purpose of your beating heart, which is to worship Allah  (glorified and exalted be He) with every action.

Serve each other, donate together, recite Qur’an near one another. Hold hands, share long hugs, make du’a for each other, even kiss one another while fasting as our beloved Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) was reported to have done with Aisha while he was fasting. Put each other and your family first before the rest of the world. Soon enough, the fast pace of life will return, Shaytan will be back trying to interfere in your happiness, and the energy of this beautiful month will slowly fade.

Having focused on each other and on your love and commitment to one another, as well as to fear Allah in the way you treat each other, to seek His pleasure in the way you love your wife and respect your husband—the barakah of this month will continue in your marriage throughout the year insha Allah.

And that is true romance isn’t it? Love, affection, words. and touch all with the remembrance of Allah, with the angels busy writing down each exchanged glance and kind word between the both of you, preparing for you a palace in Jannah.

 

Suggested Planning Activity for Couples

Write up your personal Ramadan goals together over dinner and include one goal as a couple that you want to celebrate on Eid. It could be hugging each other every morning before your husband heads to work, reading a book and discussing it, planning out which evenings you’ll make space for intimacy, or letting go of small issues for a harmonious home life. Romance doesn’t just “happen” all the time; a successfully married couple plans the space for romance so that when you greet each other you can relax, tune in and connect.

http://www.productivemuslim.com/ramadan-series-romantic-ramadan/