While men want to be trusted, women want caring

While men want to be trusted, women want caring. When a man says to a woman, “what’s the matter, honey?” with a concerned look on his face, she feels comforted by his caring. When a woman in a similar caring and concerned way says to a man “What’s the matter, honey?” He may feel insulted or repulsed. He feels as though she doesn’t trust him to handle things. 

It is very difficult for a man to different between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied. A woman may say “I am so sorry I hurt you.” He will say “It was no big deal” and push away her support. She on the other hand loves to hear him say “I’m sorry I hurt you.” She then feels he really cares. Men need to find ways to show they care while women need to find ways to show they trust.”

Better intimacy for women by John gray

Women love great sex as much as men. The difference between a woman and a man is that she doesn’t feel her strong desire for sex unless her need for love is first satisfied. Most important, she first needs to feel loved and special to a man. When her heart is opened in this way, her sexual center begins to open, and she feels a longing equal to or greater than what any man feels. Women love great sex as much as men, but to feel turned on, women have many more requirements.
Sexual intimacy can be one of the most powerful ways for a woman to lower her stress levels, because oxytocin is produced by sexual arousal and orgasm. Oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, is produced in great quantity during orgasm in both sexes. Oxytocin reduces blood pressure, cortisol levels, and fear. Studies have shown that animals and people with high levels of oxytocin are calmer, less anxious, and more social.
Though men and women have similar levels of oxytocin in their bloodstreams, women have more estrogen, which boosts the effectiveness of oxytocin. In addition, the testosterone in men counteracts the calming effects of oxytocin. The way that oxytocin interacts with estrogen and testosterone is at the root of the differences between the ways men and women respond to stress. Researchers have discovered that oxytocin lowers stress in women, but does not have the same effect in men. Stimulating too much oxytocin in a man can actually reduce his testosterone levels. Likewise, too much testosterone in women can lower the effectiveness with which her oxytocin lowers her stress levels.
The problem with having sex to generate oxytocin is that most women first need oxytocin to feel sexual desire. After a stressful day, the last thing most women think about is having sex. It is often the last thing on their to-do list. There are certainly exceptions to this, but most of the time stress inhibits a woman’s desire for sex.
Men and women react in opposite ways after sex on account of their hormones.The calming effects of this hormonal cascade are why men often roll over and fall asleep afterward. After sex, a man’s testosterone levels can drop for a while, which is why a man sometimes feels a need for greater distance immediately following sex. While a woman’s elevated oxytocin levels put her cuddle reflex in high drive, the dynamic of rising oxytocin and falling testosterone often causes a man to withdraw as his hormones return to their normal balance. Understanding and accepting that men sometimes retreat after sex, when women feel the most connected, can help avoid bad feelings.
A great sex life is not just the symptom of a passionate relationship, but is also a major factor in creating it. Great sex fills our hearts with love and can fulfill almost all our emotional needs. Loving sex, passionate sex, sensual sex, long sex, short sex, quickie sex, gourmet sex, playful sex, tender sex, rough sex, soft sex, hard sex, romantic sex, goal-oriented sex, erotic sex, simple sex, cool sex, and hot sex are all an important part of keeping the passion of love alive.
Great sex softens a woman and opens her to experience the love in her heart and to remember her partner’s love for her in a most definite way. Her partner’s skillful and knowing touch leaves no doubt in her mind that she is important to him. The hunger for love within her soul is fulfilled with her partner’s passionate and fully present attention. An ever present tension is momentarily released as she surrenders once again to the deepest longings of her feminine being. Her passion to love and be loved can be fully felt and fulfilled.
Regular and satisfying sex is one of the great gifts of a loving relationship. To enjoy this gift for a lifetime, long after the newness wears off, men and women need to be creative in finding new ways to assist women in raising their oxytocin levels. When a woman is able to relax, she can once again enjoy her sexuality.
http://www.marsvenus.com/blog/john-gray/better-sex-for-women

Tank check game

“The game is called ‘tank check’, and it is played like this. When you come home, one of you says to the other, ‘on a scale of zero to ten, how is your love tank tonight?’ Zero means empty, and 10 means ‘I am full of love and can’t handle any more.’ You give a reading on your emotional love tank – 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1, or 0, indicating how full it is. Your spouse says, ‘what could I do to help fill it.?’
Then you make a suggestion-something you would like your spouse to do or say that evening. To the best of his ability, he will respond to your request. Then you repeat the process in the reverse order so that both of you have the opportunity to do a reading on your love tank and to make a suggestion toward filling it. If you play the game for three weeks, you will be hooked on it, and it can be a playful way of stimulating love expressions in your marriage.”

The 5 love languages Gary Chapman