The Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “A righteous wife to help you with your worldly and religious affairs is the best treasure anyone could have.” [Al-Bayhaqī, Saheeh al-Jāmī, 4285]
Shaykh Salīh Al-Fawzan said: “If a man is married with a righteous wife, he (will) live a harmonious life even if he is poor.” [Al-Ittihaf, pg. 858]
A righteous wife will be with her righteous husband for many years.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymīyyah (may Allāh have mercy on him) said:
“A righteous wife will be with her righteous husband for many years, and she is the one who is meant in the hadeeth in which the Messenger of Allāh (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: “This world is temporary conveniences and the best of its comforts is a believing wife, who when you look at her she pleases you and if you tell her to do something she obeys you, and if you are away from her she protects you with regard to herself and your wealth.”
This is what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) enjoined when the Muhājiroon asked him which kind of wealth they should acquire, and he said: “Let one of you acquire a tongue that remembers Allāh, a thankful heart, and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.”
[Narrated by al-Tirmidhī from Salim ibn Abī ’l-Ja’d, from Thawbān]
She may offer the love and compassion that Allāh speaks of in His Book, and the pain of separation may be harder for her than death in some cases, and harder than losing wealth or leaving one’s homeland, especially if one of them is fond of the other or they have children together who will be harmed by separation.
[Majmoo’ al-Fatāwa, 35/299]
Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage (family status), her beauty or her religious commitment; choose the one who is religious and you will prosper.” [Sahīh Bukharī, Book 62, Hadīth Number 27]
An advise given by Imam Abu Hanifa (ra) to his student Abu Yusuf:-
“Don’t get married until you are certain that you are able to maintain and provide all her needs, so, seek knowledge first then gather your wealth from halal sources. Then and only then get married: because if you start gathering wealth while still studying you will disable yourself from seeking knowledge and become consumed by the dunia before attaining knowledge. You will waste your time and then soon you will have children and you will need to take care of their provisions resulting in you leaving of seeking knowledge.
Therefore, busy yourself with seeking knowledge in your youth and in your spare time then busy yourself in gathering wealth. Verily, the larger your family gets the more your mind will become preoccupied”.
من نصيحة أبي حنيفة لتلميذه أبي يوسف: وَلَا تَتَزَوَّجْ إلَّا بَعْدَ أَنْ تَعْلَمَ أَنَّك تَقْدِرُ عَلَى الْقِيَامِ بِجَمِيعِ حَوَائِجِهَا وَاطْلُبْ الْعِلْمَ أَوَّلًا ثُمَّ اجْمَعْ الْمَالَ مِنْ الْحَلَالِ. ثُمَّ تَزَوَّجْ؛ فَإِنَّك إنْ طَلَبْت الْمَالَ فِي وَقْتِ التَّعَلُّمِ عَجَزْت عَنْ طَلَبِ الْعِلْمِ وَتَشْتَغِلُ بِالدُّنْيَا ..قَبْلَ تَحْصِيلِ الْعِلْمِ؛ فَيَضِيعُ وَقْتُك وَيَجْتَمِعُ عَلَيْك الْوَلَدُ وَيَكْثُرُ عِيَالُك فَتَحْتَاجُ إلَى الْقِيَامِ بِمَصَالِحِهِمْ وَتَتْرُكُ الْعِلْمَ. وَاشْتَغِلْ بِالْعِلْمِ فِي عُنْفُوَانِ شَبَابِك وَوَقْتِ فَرَاغِ قَلْبِك وَخَاطِرِك ثُمَّ اشْتَغِلْ بِالْمَالِ؛ فَإِنَّ كَثْرَةَ الْوَلَدِ وَالْعِيَالِ يُشَوِّشُ الْبَالَ
غمز عيون البصائر في شرح الأشباه والنظائر » الفن السابع من الأشباه والنظائر الحكايات والمراسلات » وصية الإمام الأعظم لأبي يوسف
Ibn taymeeyah رحمة الله عليه said:
If the people hate to marry someone who is a fornicator, thief, drunkard or major sinner. What is more deserving of their distaste is to marry someone who doesn’t pray, which is a greater sin and is a matter which is unanimously agreed upon by the scholars. The one who doesn’t pray is worse than the fornicator, thief, and drunkard.
قال سعيد بن المسيب رحمه الله: (البَارُّ-يعني بوالديه-لا يموت ميتة سوء)رواه ابن معين في التاريخ(١٢٠٣)
Saeed bin Mussayib رحمة الله عليه said:
The one dutiful to his parents will not die an evil death.
*Do Not Hate The Daughters*
قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : لا تكرهوا البنات فإنهن المؤنسات ، الغاليات.
The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ said: “ *DO NOT* hate the daughters for indeed they are friendly and precious.”
● [سلسلة الأحاديث الصحيحة ٣٢٠٦]
Before you flippantly ask a woman, “when she’s going to get married” consider; perhaps yesterday the person she and her family joyfully thought she was going to marry decided to break it off and she’s still reeling.
Perhaps she’s the survivor of abuse and trauma and she’s still struggling to consider the possibility of marriage as a healing relationship.
Perhaps she’s oppressively been denied over and over because of the racism, colorism, abelism and classism which exists in our community.
Perhaps she’s eager to consider marriage, but constantly dealing with the stigma of being a divorcee or single mother.
Perhaps she’s the sole care taker of her elderly parents and no potential suitor has been open to having her parents live with them.
Perhaps she’s terrified because she has only seen angry, hurtful, abusive, painful relationships and she’d rather be single because she’s never seen marriage bring tranquility.
Perhaps she has her own private reasons to focus on school and work and community that go beyond the assumptions others make of her and labels others place on her.
Perhaps she desperately wants to get married, cries about it in the privacy of her room, while forcing a smile when you’ve awkwardly asked her this question, reminding her she’s getting older when she is very, very well aware of that reality.
Unless you’re in a trusted position to support her, before you ask a woman “why she isn’t married yet,” perhaps consider not asking her at all.
قال العلامة ابن القيم رحمه الله تعالى :
«تسمية المولود حقٌّ للأب، لا للأمِّ، وهذا مما لا نزاع فيه».
[تحفة المودود – ص١٩٧]
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
Naming of the child is the right of the father and not the mother, and this is something that has not been argued over.
*of course this is the scholar’s deduction and I am personally only sharing for the benefit of his saying.